tunfatimah

chapter x 8 = 8 chapters

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 17:17:05 GMT

Hectic hectic hectic...

Seriously.. i'm beginning to think that allocating 6 weeks to produce a chapter is a bit ambitious. But that is what was agreed between me and J, so I have to follow through. After all, if I were to submit my thesis by December, I really need to keep to my schedule. Theoretically, if I were to write 1,000 words a day, I could easily finish a chapter in 10 days. Campur tolak time to edit semua maybe it would take me a month, maximum. Tapi tolak all the weekends + Jumaat (i dont work on fridays anymore since ubie started a new evening job and I need to be home for Friday prayers), i am left with roughly (4 days x 4 weeks) = 16 days exactly. Itu pun kalau i can write 1,000 words a day. Kalau tak boleh cemano? Haihhh...

But the upside of it is that I really enjoy writing up, at least with the findings chapter that is.. Also, i am excited to rename my focus group mommies. You see, in order to protect the anonymity of my respondents, I need to change their names. And so I have the privilege to choose 51 female names to replace the original ones. Macam-macam nama makk fikirkan. Its so fun.. it almost like picking out names for your babies. And I have 51 baby girls to name! I've already used both my daughters' middle names. And i've also picked some modern malay names too. I'm thinking of including some oldies names too like Rosnah, and Aminah. hihi.. Tapi 51 is a lot of names to think about! Do suggest some names pleeeease!

Oh, i bet some of my friends are now wondering what names did I chose for them *winking at fabulous, yzma and bidadari* Haha! I'm not gonna tell you (its not ethical remember). But I assure you that all the names are lovely names! After all, i chose them myself. :p

okay, enough with that.

BTW I'm really excited to go out for a 'ladies nite out' with my friends this Saturday. We're celebrating mothers day. FYI, mothers day in the UK is celebrated in March, unlike in May for most countries, I'm not sure why though. We're going to check out this new halal place in town called salt n pepper which serves Western, itallian, n indian cuisine! Yums! Grilled steak here i comeeeeeeeeeee!

Entry motivasi

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:33:16 GMT

Saya masih BF Icha exclusively sehingga hari ini. Alhamdulillah, pada kali ni rezeki saya lebih murah. Midwife kat sini kata, kadangkala kegagalan BF pada masa yang lepas membuatkan saya lebih persevere dan determined. Saya setuju. Masa dengan Diya dulu saya memang tak confident. Tak confident susu ada, tak confident whether Diya kenyang, tak confident latching betul ke tak.. dan macam-macam lagi. Tambah pula nipple berdarah-darah yang amat sakit, masyaallah! Tapi this time around saya gagahkan dan keraskan hati untuk cuba sekali lagi. Dua minggu yang pertama memang mencabar. Dengan bengkak susu sampai demam menggigil, pulak tu winter yang amat sejuk, nipple berdarah2 jangan cakaplah, memang horror sakitnya bila dikenangkan kembali. Tapi dari sehari ke sehari it got better. Dan memang banyak yang saya belajar. Saya lebih confident sekarang. Dan saya percaya bahawa everything is 'in the mind'. Kita kena sentiasa positive.

Saya tahu banyak mommies, esp new mommies melalui apa yang saya lalui dahulu. Jadi ini adalah entry motivasi. Motivasi untuk diri saya sendiri - mengingatkan saya untuk terus persevere walaupun ada halangan in the future- dan juga motivasi kepada siapa sahaja yang rasa ingin dimotivasi. hihi..

1. Susu saya cukup - Tahu tak bahawasanya perut baby baru lahir adalah sebesar duit syiling 5 sen? Dan untuk memenuhkan perut baby dia hanya perlu minum 1 sudu kecil sahaja every feed? Saya pun baru tahu fakta ini masa kat hospital hari tu. One of the midwives bagitahu saya sedang dia tengok saya BF Icha. So ibu2, ingatlah bahawa susu anda cukup! Memanglah pada hari-hari pertama tu rasa macam takde keluar apa. Tapi asalkan kita keep on feeding the baby, he/she will get the collustrum, guarenteed! Lepas 5 hari camtu baru you boleh nampak bukti2 bahawa susu keluar. And remember that every baby is different. Ada yang BF sampai berejam2 setiap session. Ada yang just 15 minutes je. Midwife saya kata as long as the baby feed at least 8 times a day and each session is at least 10-15 minutes, it should be enough. Jangan bagi too short. Kalau dia tertidur, geletek dia sikit suruh bangun balik. hihi. And penghasilan susu adalah 'in demand' so lebih banyak u feed, lebih banyak susu akan terhasil

2. Bengkak susu - Masa saya bengkak susu, memanglah sakit! rasa macam nak pecah aja 'belon' saya. Masa tu tengok breast saya lebih besar dari kepala Icha. And she weighs 3.55kg okei, so cuba bayangkan. Or, maybe better not. haha. Anyways,some mothers akan leak susu tu keluar. Tapi if kita tak leak, it doesnt mean that kita takde susu. Macam saya, sepanjang 3 bulan ni, not once I have to put on that breast pad (membazir je beli okei). Tak pernah bocor. Tapi susu saya cukup aja. Again, the key is to stay confident with your ability to produce enough milk.

3. Pam susu - Masa mula-mula saya pam susu is after 6/7 weeks after Icha was born. Mula-mula tu pam dekat 2 jam tapi yang keluar cuma 2oz aja. From both breasts plak tu! I sought advice from my dear friends and they all encourage me to keep on expressing. And I kept on doing, slowly the amount increases. Now, I express about 12-14oz every day in 3 sessions every day. Bayangkan the increase from 2oz. So the key is to persevere and never give up. Sekarang ni stok susu Icha ada lebih 40 pek (each 6-7 oz). Its not as much as those champion moms yang expressed sampai 300 botol, but its more than enough for Icha. After all, she only consumes 1 pack everytime I am away for school work. So again people.. the key is to remember that each baby's need is different. Some babies dont consume as much, so we dont have to produce more than they need. We just have to stay positive.

4. Never blame ourselves - Women are very good at feeling guily and blaming themselves for things. We shouldnt blame ourselves if we have to introduce FM at some point. It doesnt make us bad mothers. Your baby would still grow up to be a good and healthy kid. And you would still be the best mother in the world to them. The only difference is that you have to pay more every month. Itu saja. So never ever go on that guilt trip ladies. :)

okei.. itu saja entri motivasi ni.. nanti kalau ada lagi yang teringat, I'll add on some other time. :p

OMG is that Cake?!

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:32:33 GMT

I am in a good mood today. Mainly because I had a good sv meeting with J. We had a constuctive discussion about my findings and how everything would fall into place for my thesis. :) Now thats done, the most exciting - yet the hardest - part is yet to come: WRITING UP!

This is the mind map of how my thesis is going to look like in 80,000 words. Serabut tak? :p

Yes people, you've heard me right! I can't believe I'm already at the second last stage of my PhD. The last stage is the Viva of course. Speaking of which, J decided to put me on the spot today by asking a hypothetical viva question - which I miserably failed to answer! aiyo.. perlu taww nak caught me off guard gittew. But seriously, she asked me soalan yg sungguh mencabar (typical J, I should have expected this one coming). Anyhow, it was good that she quizzed me on that - we got on talking about my theoretical contribution, which got me sexcited. I mean, I know that my research has some empirical and methodological contribution, but never would have thought of contributing to the theoretical debate. Itu agak tahap dewa2 sudah. Well, we'll just have to see how that would turn out. :p

My notes: Thesis Outline! There's 7-8 chapters alltogether! *J's notes in blue.

Okei, enough about PhD.

My Icha is turning 3 months tomorrow! *and iezma's hadif is turning 4 months*. Hadif and Icha is exactly 1 month apart btw. at 3 months, Icha is growing well. She's about 5kg++, loves to chat and laugh. Here's a short video of her:

Kerja

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 14:13:24 GMT

I'm meeting J tomorrow so I'm a tad busy. Need to finish this model project that I thought of doing at the last minute. Gatal.

I'll be back tomorrow or maybe Friday for some updates, promise.

ps: My heart misses my dearest friends so much! I dunno why I feel emo all of a sudden. :(

Yarrrr!

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 10:50:28 GMT

My little pirate!

Diya dressed up as pirate for one of her class mates' party yesterday. She had fun indeed - siap menang semua party games okei (kecik2 dah pandai competitive taww).

I'm gonna miss shopping for kids' costumes when I go back to Malaysia. Here everything is considerally cheap and banyak pilihan pulak tu. This pirate set (eye patch, pirate hat and pirate sword only costs 45p. Can you believe it?

Anyways, ubie and I have started discussing about doing some renovations to our house at BSP. Nothing major, just inside renov like tukar flooring, building kitchen kabinet (i soo love yzma's kitchen - how much did it cost you again beb?), wardrobes, installing airconds, autogate and pebbled entrance. I wonder how much all of that will cost us?

Also, because we're not thinking of buying (and bringing home) any car from here, we are not sure whether renting a whole kontena would be cost-effective. Tapi sebenarnya banyak jugak benda nak dibawa balik from here - like house interior stuff yang amat murah dan lebih banyak option (jika dibandingkan dengan yang dijual kat mesia). Maybe kena share kontena kot dengan sesiapa. Hmm..

Pastu, we're already thinking about what car to buy when we got back (kereta kecik ajorr sebab car is just a mode of transportation to me), where would we send Diya and Icha (have no idea yet actually), and career options for Ubie (post AR).

Suddenly there's so much to look forward to.. tapi yang penting..I can't believe that I'm already discussing about our life after ca*rdiff! *yikes!

Clock is ticking!

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 13:22:07 GMT

I can't believe that I only have 7 months left here (technically speaking). Of course I'm hoping to extend another 6 months, but that is not entirely my decision now is it? So, looking at my timeline and what's left of the work that I need to finish, I know that I really need to focus. Lets see what I've acomplished so far and what needs to be done:

a) Data collection - done! (although I kinda want to do another interview with the FM rep - gatal nak menambah kerja plak!)

b) Data coding - done! Well, technically I have another 4 mags to key into Nvivo but it would only take me half-a-day to do it).

c) Data analysis - I've done the first level analysis of all my data but not entirely sure which one would need more detailed analysis (the ones that will be selected in my thesis) The real challenge is to decide what to generate from these data findings - how everything is tied up to each other with the theoretical perspective *geek mode*.

d) Writing up - Okei, belum start lagi, although technically I have already written 20,000 words on several subtopics. Actually, I've written more, but 20,000 words is selected from the fairly good ones. So technically I need to write 60,000 words left (aiyo, cakap macam sikit aja kan??)

I'm meeting J next week - I hope to decide on what themes to focus in the thesis so I can start writing up. I'm thinking to start writing up my method chapter since I've already done all the data collection.

What's a PhD to you?

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:32:39 GMT

What is a PhD worth to you? So many people assume those who have a PhD (or those who are doing a PhD) are brilliant people.The fact is, many of those who have a PhD are NOT extraordinary people, they are just normal people - Brilliant people would choose easier path and make more money. :)

And having a PhD certainly does not mean that one person is better than another. They are just better marathon runners. Throughout my experience as a PhD student, I discovered many of my own flaws, I learn to compensate them with my endurance and I learn to persevere. Though I am glad that this is the path that I have taken, I am certainly not perfect.

So if you are thinking of doing a PhD just so you can 'act smart' then by all means, please don't. You would just be wasting your time.

I love this Quote by Daniel Lemire:
There is only one reason to get a Ph.D. � because the career path you want to pursue requires it. Do not do it because you think it will make you feel important, because it will do the opposite. Do not do it because �there are a lot of things you could do with it�, because there are plenty of things you can do without it. Do not do it because you think it will be an intellectual adventure, because you�d do much better with a library card.

ps: I loved the whole performance at the Malaysian Nite! But it made me miss home even more!

ps2: We know have KFC halal near Ca*rdiff!! Its just 20-30 minutes away!

A short one

Sat, 20 Feb 2010 12:15:05 GMT

I'm going to attend Car*diff Malaysian Nite with some of girl friends later today. Maybe I'll blog about that in my next entry. This event is organised by the undergrads every year, and apparently they are really good - siap menang anugerah bagai hokeh. Oleh itew, I'm very excited to witness kehebatan mereka malam ini.

Yesterday, ubie, the girls and I went out to the city. Just a regular family outing. Went for coffee and cookies then later on to tapau dinner because moi sudah malas mau masak. It's been a while since we walked to the city. It feels really nice. Luckily Icha was being a really good girl (well she is not a fussy baby anyway). I had the baby carrier on and she just sat in there while being 'mesmerised' looking at new things. She's probably thinking, wahh besarnya dunia! hihi. Diya on the other hand terlebih excited plak (again, we havent been walking to the city for quite some time) and honestly managing Diya was more tiring because she kept on whining (bila nak sampai ni?).

Nonetheless, i think she had a great time - cookies treat at Millie's, buying �1 toy at the Poundland and later at Cafe Nero (one of my fave coffee shop - its an itallian chain), she was treated with a FREE hot chocolate by the manager for being a well behaved girl (if only he knew how nakal Diya can be sometimes). Apa lagi, tersipu2 malu anak dara makk tu sebab kena belanja hot chocolate and being called a well behaved child. haha. Later at chicken cottage (menapau dinner), she was again treated with lollies by the staff sebab 'maintain comel'. Aiyo... terus over perasan anak makk itteww.. haha..

Special treat from the manager!

The perasan 'well behaved' girl with her hot choccie

The one who really behaved well that day

Anyways, I'm going to hit the shower now. Its 12 already, dah siap masak, icha is taking her nap, and diya is taking her bath. Ubie? masih snoring atas sofa okeh. Dia nak balas dendam sebab kena babysit tonite while I enjoy my outing with the girls. haha. Takpelah, makk rela uols..

ps: I dont have anything to wear for tonite! Semua baju2 makk ketats *matilah* Bila nak kurus nih. haihh...!

Jumaat

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 10:02:29 GMT

Hari ini hari Jumaat. Sekarang baru pukul 10pagi. Saya sudah siap masak, mandikan icha, siapkan Diya for school, and ubie pown dah siap mandi bagai. Icha pown sudah nap in her swing. I usually wait for ubie to perform friday prayers before pi school. So nak tunggu ubie balik friday prayers is around pukul 1.30pm. Maksudnya i have 3 hours of free time. Apa lagi, blogging lah kan?

Usually hari Jumaat adelah 'work at starbucks day' Gedik tak saya? I would spend some time to do my work on the lappie while sipping a cup of coffee. Ala2 cari ilham giteww haha! Dulu masa masters I always study at starbucks or coffee bean. I know that its mengada and probably an expensive way to study but I find that its easy for me to absorb all the 'pelajaran'. I could just block all the surrounding noises and concentrate. Pelik. Tapi kat tempat lain tak boleh plak buat cenggitu. I'm easily distracted.

Anyways, did I tell you that Diya has a bestfriend at school? Kecik2 dah ada bestfriend taww.. Her name is Megan. Dolu masa kat uni nursery bestfren dia nama Molly. Anyways, Megan is a cute blonde Welsh girl who wears two ponytails to school. Diya kalau sampai school je terus panggil Megan and borak-borak. Usually they would tell each other about their new toys, shoes, dress etc. Typical girly talk. :p Diya talks about Megan all the time at home, sampai hari-hari mengigau borak2 dengan megan in her sleep. haha.. so kelakar.

Anyways, I gtg now. Icha's 'calling' me. Nak susu kot. Have a good weekends ppl!

Look How I've Changed!

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 13:06:27 GMT

Assignment saya minggu ini.

I never print out pictures, not since the digital move. All my pictures are kept in soft copies in my hard drive. I never keep photos in photo album anymore. My last album rasanya album kawen kot. And album dengan geng projek zaman-zaman masters/mula bekerja hihi. Tapi sebenarnya agak best ada photo album, boleh belek2 and walk down memory lane gittew.. I miss the days where you have to send out that film roll for processing at kedai gambar and impatiently wonder how the pictures would turn out. Sengetkah? Blur kah? Cantekkah? Ala2 surprise gittew. Hihi..

So when I got this 'assignment' from Diya's school, I had to open all the old picture files in my external HD and choose one to print. Turns out it was not an easy task! Ribu-ribu gambar okei, nak pilih satu. I can't believe I have so many pictures of her. Many of which I forgot I had ever took them. And what seemed like a 5 minute task, took hours! And I havent even choose which one to print yet! Dok scroll-scroll gambar sambil tergelak-gelak sorang-sorang. Anyways, I managed to finalised the pictures that I like but cant seem to pick one. Do you think you can help me? Which one would you choose?

Pic 1 : Taken @ Ikea Malaysia when she was 1 year old

Pic 2: This was taken few weeks before we flew to Car*diff. Kampung Ubie.

Pic 3: The day she turned 1 years old (notice the birthday hat)

Pic 4: She's about 10 months. Diya learned to walk very early.
Her first step was @ 7 months,

Pic5: At Paris water cruise

Pic 6: She was about 16/17 months